Saturday, June 28, 2008

Why is it so hard?

Last night I came to an understanding of sorts that God was wanting me to obey. Hello.... Duh! But specifically there were a few items that I felt He wanted me to work on today. I cleaned in the girls' old room today. That was it. I didn't make the cards. Why? 1) because I felt like my house was too dirty. Did I work on cleaning it though? Nope. 2) I didn't think I had any stamps. Did I even look? Did I go buy some? So I'm letting little doubts and my expectations and/or perfectionisms stop me from doing what I think God wants me to do. This isn't good. It's embarrasing sending this out into the blogging world, but I have got to be held accountable. God knows so what do I really care if the www knows? I didn't work on teaching Daniel speech or letters. Why? 1)reading my book instead 2)watching a movie 3) I did work on the girls' room. Okay, what was that? Excuses, justification, let's just call it what it is. Disobedience. I feel God is leeding Bob and I into another chapter in our lives. I think that it is absolutely crucial that we obey God. I know we will be blessed for having done so. I also think that it's hard to obey (for whatever reason) even these "little" things, but God is about to give us some really big things and that we need to practice obedience. So, I am going to gather a couple of cards for Nancy and get one ready to send to Treasure, Chassy & Tristian. I'm going to load the dishwasher and lay out my clothes for church tomorrow. Tomorrow I will finish the girls' room. Including under the bed & sweeping & mopping. Have I asked God to help me obey? That would be a good way to start!!!!!

Friday, June 27, 2008

Empty Nest

So here we are almost a week after the threee newest kiddos left for the other side of the state with a relative. I miss them so much. We all do. Daniel, the night after they left, said, "Mommy, we only have two." He held up his pinky and ring finger. "We only have Bendan and Aton. We don't have everybody. That sad." "That IS sad." I replied choking back tears. What is scary is that I'm really not feeling like we are to be taking in more children. At least not just yet. We had been feeling that this was truly God ordained. That doing foster care, by having a house filled with children, was truly what we were supposed to be doing. Right now, and for the past couple of weeks, I've been really questioning that. My prayer is that I am truly open to what God has planned for us... for our family. Berto and I are not doing all we can be for God. My thought tonight has been that clutter/stuff/things is in the way. With dh working full-time + and getting a raise, it's been so much fun spending money. But I don't want that to be our life. I don't want him to be working himself sick and not loving his job and me spending money on lattes and clothes. There's more to it. I just read a book where the hero is a pastor. He had been in the military and then went to seminary and became a pastor. Berto has been told before that he should be a pastor. He's so good at it. It's been on the back burner though because of his "job" and being tired. Maybe what we need to do right now is regroup for a bit. Please Lord, speak loudly. I am going to read the Bible daily and try to be open to God's commands. A few things...
Declutter, send some cards, write, concentrate on Aton's behaviour & needs & Daniel's letters & speech.