This morning I was sitting, er slouching, at the kitchen table... just dragging. I was watching the boys outside playing and I was thinking of all the things I needed to do. I prayed, "Lord, will you please give me energy?" I was hoping for a bolt of energy straight from heaven, what I got instead was a little bit of insight. As long as I was sitting on my tush, I wasn't going to get any energy. I didn't need it. So I stood up and reached for the dishrag to start washing the table. Even as soon as I was on my feet, I was happily humming and feeling energetic. While I was still sitting, contemplating my long list of tasks I was feeling hopeless about, I was remembering Phil 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me." I also thought about some books I've been reading where the author mentioned that they don't want to be able to claim that they were the ones who did it (whatever IT was) they knew they wanted it to be God. That's when I lifted up the prayer. I let go of my guilt, thinking, "Okay, I don't feel like it. So what. It's not about what I feel like. Quit feeling bad about it, and just let God work through you!"
After the huge A-ha! I thought about our church family and our desire to build our own church building. I love our pastor and he has been so careful about not wanting us to want a building for the wrong reasons. We also (probably unanimously) want God to build our church, not us. We've been saving and planning and scheming for about 4 years. Our pastor prayed recently asking God to make it "impossible for us to build." We don't want to take out a loan. I wrote this once and it got deleted. Now with 3 boys competing for my attention, my train of thought is lost. Okay, as long as we are just sitting (not building, not cleaning, not doing) we don't need the energy/money/resources. I didn't feel energetic until I actually needed it... I didn't need it until I stood up. It's not a matter of the un-biblical, "God helps those who helps themselves." It is more of a God doesn't necessarily need to, and in fact, often does NOT at all, lay out a clear path for you to just walk on. Once you start walking and practicing obedience, the path unfolds before you.... sometimes not until you are mid-stride.