Why is it so hard?

Last night I came to an understanding of sorts that God was wanting me to obey. Hello.... Duh! But specifically there were a few items that I felt He wanted me to work on today. I cleaned in the girls' old room today. That was it. I didn't make the cards. Why? 1) because I felt like my house was too dirty. Did I work on cleaning it though? Nope. 2) I didn't think I had any stamps. Did I even look? Did I go buy some? So I'm letting little doubts and my expectations and/or perfectionisms stop me from doing what I think God wants me to do. This isn't good. It's embarrasing sending this out into the blogging world, but I have got to be held accountable. God knows so what do I really care if the www knows? I didn't work on teaching Daniel speech or letters. Why? 1)reading my book instead 2)watching a movie 3) I did work on the girls' room. Okay, what was that? Excuses, justification, let's just call it what it is. Disobedience. I feel God is leeding Bob and I into another chapter in our lives. I think that it is absolutely crucial that we obey God. I know we will be blessed for having done so. I also think that it's hard to obey (for whatever reason) even these "little" things, but God is about to give us some really big things and that we need to practice obedience. So, I am going to gather a couple of cards for Nancy and get one ready to send to Treasure, Chassy & Tristian. I'm going to load the dishwasher and lay out my clothes for church tomorrow. Tomorrow I will finish the girls' room. Including under the bed & sweeping & mopping. Have I asked God to help me obey? That would be a good way to start!!!!!

Empty Nest

So here we are almost a week after the threee newest kiddos left for the other side of the state with a relative. I miss them so much. We all do. Daniel, the night after they left, said, "Mommy, we only have two." He held up his pinky and ring finger. "We only have Bendan and Aton. We don't have everybody. That sad." "That IS sad." I replied choking back tears. What is scary is that I'm really not feeling like we are to be taking in more children. At least not just yet. We had been feeling that this was truly God ordained. That doing foster care, by having a house filled with children, was truly what we were supposed to be doing. Right now, and for the past couple of weeks, I've been really questioning that. My prayer is that I am truly open to what God has planned for us... for our family. Berto and I are not doing all we can be for God. My thought tonight has been that clutter/stuff/things is in the way. With dh working full-time + and getting a raise, it's been so much fun spending money. But I don't want that to be our life. I don't want him to be working himself sick and not loving his job and me spending money on lattes and clothes. There's more to it. I just read a book where the hero is a pastor. He had been in the military and then went to seminary and became a pastor. Berto has been told before that he should be a pastor. He's so good at it. It's been on the back burner though because of his "job" and being tired. Maybe what we need to do right now is regroup for a bit. Please Lord, speak loudly. I am going to read the Bible daily and try to be open to God's commands. A few things...
Declutter, send some cards, write, concentrate on Aton's behaviour & needs & Daniel's letters & speech.

"Come see what I found at the cemetary."

My husband called me just after dark with this cryptic message.
"What did you find?" I asked expecting some sort of punchline or something kind of gross.
"It's weird. I just don't know what to make of it." He'd been patrolling the small town for just a few hours into his shift.
I tried for more information. "What is it? Do I want to see it?"
"I don't know if you do or not. It's very odd. I'm not sure if it was something just left here on purpose, or what."
I got in the van and headed that direction. I called him partway there to make sure he was still at the cemetary. There was no way I was going to arrive there all by myself. Especially after such a strange call from him and especially with the moon full the way it was. Beautiful... when you're not on your way to a cemetary to see something so odd that your policeman-hubby is not sure about it. What could someone find at a cemetary? The possibilities are endless. One thought I had was, "Did someone write my hubby's or another cop's name on a tombstone as a threat?" Why yes, I do read mysteries. How did you guess?
About five miles away it dawned on me that it was probably a kitten. I called him again and he confirmed that "Whatever it is, it moves."
I pulled up beside him and he talked me into moving my van a little farther away from his patrol car so that we could both actually open our doors to get out. I walked to his side of the car and he had his tazer out, "Did you hear that?" I did hear an odd noise... Then I heard several pitiful mewing noises coming from the direction of his lap. 4 little grayish kittens were huddled together meowing loudly. He'd found them next to a bag and thinks they were brought there in the bag and dumped. They wouldn't stray far from the bag.
So now the bag and four little kittens are upstairs in my foster daughters' room. I left them alone for five minutes and when I came back the girls were telling me what the kittens' names were. "No, Don't EVEN name them! They are cat 1, cat 2, cat 3, and cat 4." I already have them listed on FreeCycle.... but we will probably keep one.... or two. But NOT all four! Unless noone else wants them. Or if we think it might be too hard on the little guys to separate them... No, only 1! Ok, or two.

Almost Summer "Break"

When I was an elementary teacher I looked forward to summer break because it was a break... from a classroom of kids. Now I'm looking forward to summer break because I'll have a house full of kids for a few months. Crazy. Last night dh and I went to a Foster Care Appreciation Dinner. We dropped the kiddos off at a playland (babysitting was provided) and spent 3 hours with each other, other grown ups, good food, and fun entertainment. It was lovely. But when we picked up our 6 crazy kids and started walking toward our mini-van, I was filled with happiness. The kids were bubbly and bouncing around telling us tales of all their fun and the friends they met. I had to stop for just a moment and reflect on just how much I love our large family. I love peace and quiet, but I truly enjoy our chaotic-at-times family.
On Mother's Day at a restaraunt the kids were doing a word search based on the book of Esther. They came to the word "bow." T-bird, age 5, decided to demonstrate to all of us what that word meant. He took a bow. He's a little guy and those tables at Texas Road House are tall. Whack! Only his pride was hurt, and not too badly because when he saw how funny it was to all of us, he was ready to do it again.

Shoe Fetish? Nope!

No, I am not a woman of many shoes, but many children. My dh (Berto), ds (DJ), and I began taking in foster children a little over a year ago. Because we are insane, actually because we have the room, we offered to take in siblings. Don't ever offer to do that unless by "siblings" you mean, "TONS of kiddos all at the same time!" For almost half a year we had 6 kids 6 years old and younger. My mom dubbed me, "The little old mommy who lived in a shoe, had so many children she didn't know what to do."
I am looking at this blog as a way to replace my chocolate habit. Last Valentine's Day everyone I knew gave me dark chocolate. Who knew that dark chocolate was a stress reliever? Apparently everyone who knew me and knew I needed to relieve some stress! Now I am in search of healthier stress-relieving habits... Daily Bible reading (which was one of the first things to go after our family nearly trippled in size), going to the gym (Anyone else just LOVE the elliptical?), writing (a rekindled romance), and eating healthier.
Check in whenever you like. Read anonymously. Offer kind advice. Share your own similar struggles and triumphs. Tell a joke.... Just don't tell Social Services. If they had any idea what went on in this mind of mine they'd not only take away our dfc (dear foster children) but DJ as well!