How to Cook a Turkey

I asked my kids (ages 5-7), my nephew (5), and my niece (13) if they would give some advice to Aunt Mary on how she should cook the turkey. We're heading over there this evening for our family Thanksgiving Feast. I e-mailed her these directions in case she needed some help with the turkey. But I'm really hoping she already has another recipe!
For the below recipe I took snippets from each of their separate recipes and compiled them. I also printed out their individual recipes, a page with "A few Thankful Quotes", and a blank page titled, "A Few Thankful Notes...". I stapled them together between cardstock and scrapped a little Happy Thanksgiving Title.

How to Cook a Turkey - by my kiddos

What kind of turkey? A real turkey? How about Gobble gobble gobble? You shoot it! Tell Bob to share his gun. If he’ll let us. I don’t know if he will. You cut off the real skin. The feathers. Put liquid on it. Baking soda, so it can be nice and thick. Probably a pinch of onion powder. 1 ½ tablespoons of that parsley stuff. And a bigger pinch of garlic powder. Apples and tomatoes in it. Cherry and banana. And a popsicle and carrot. It’s how you make it. Put cookies on it! (laugh) For reals put cookies on it. That would be nummy! That would be nummy to me. Then you put it in the oven. You cook it for 6 minutes. And then you take it out. And ‘den’ you let it cool off a little bit. I just remembered something else you have to do. You have to cut off its head! And pull out all its guts and blood and belly. Want cheese on it? I like cheese on my turkey. Put out your plates, spoons, forks, knives, cups, napkins, then let the Feast Begin! Then enjoy it. Then put your dishes away and go home.

Happy Thanksgiving.... I certainly hope all of your meals are not quite as, um, tasty, as this one would turn out.

A Few Thankful Quotes

"For three things I thank God every day of my life: Thanks that He has [given me] knowledge of His works; deep thanks that He has set in my darkness the lamp of faith; deep deepest thanks that I have another life to look forward to - a life joyous with light and flowers and heavenly song." ~ Helen Keller

"Give thanks in all circumstances,
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Thessalonians 5:18

“O Lord that lends me life, Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness.”
William Shakespeare (Henry VI)